Sometimes You Have to Cry It Out

I sat on the phone today with my sister and cried like a baby. She did too. We were crying over a lot of things that I won’t get into here but when it was all said and done she apologized for upsetting me. I told her something I have always believed, “sometimes you have to cry it out”. I don’t do that often enough. And I think it’s a huge part of our emotional well-being.

My mother would cry from time to time. She would say that she was just being sentimental and blue. Maybe that was what Kim and I were doing. We talked about Mom, a lot. We compared our lives to hers, how generous and caring she was. How kind she was. Because Mom has been gone for over 30 years we’ll never know. We both have her so far up on a pedestal that she is head and shoulders above anything we do. But she was a wonderful role model.

We cried about my sister’s illness. She has had Meniere’s Disease for 20 years. She has been dizzy and nauseous with a roaring in her ear for 20 years. She has gone deaf in one ear, she has undergone numerous surgeries. She is having another one tomorrow. She is afraid that she will not be the same person tomorrow. She is afraid that she will be debilitated for the rest of her life. She’s afraid. I have discounted her illness. But this year I have had a couple of bouts of vertigo that have made me miserable. I cannot imagine 20 years of that. But, she has not let her illness rule her life. She has worked most of the last 20 years, even with vertigo. She has raised two children with this disease. I don’t think I would have been able to get out of bed. She has downplayed the affect it has had on her life. But now she’s scared. Me too.

We cried about the good times we’ve had, and the bad. We were very close growing up. Mom was a twin so she would dress us the same. We didn’t look a thing alike but today if you put us together and not consider our coloring you would know that we were sisters. And if you put us on the phone we sound just alike. So, maybe Mom knew what she was doing. She is older and pretty bossy but I think all I’ve ever wanted was for her to like me. I cried extra hard today when she told me that she did like me, and she was so impressed with the woman I have become. Of course then she had to fuss at me, but I didn’t listen to that, all I heard was that she liked me.

There have been times in my life that I have really needed to tell someone what I needed them to hear, whether they liked it or not. Then there have been times in my life when I have really needed to cry whether in the privacy of my bedroom or sitting at a gas station not getting out of my car because I know that my face is red and swollen. I will tell you this, I always feel so much better about my life and who I am after I have cried it out. Sometimes you just need that.

I remember in the movie Broadcast News that Holly Hunter’s character would cry every morning. She would make herself cry every morning. I think she did that so that she would not cry throughout the day when someone made her mad or upset her. I always thought that would be a good practice, but have never done it.

I’ll tell you that I cried today, a lot more than I should have. But when it was all said and done I felt a lot more love for myself, and for my sister. We were laughing by the time we hung up telling each other stories of “remember when”.

She told me not to do this but I am, I have to, it’s a part of who I am and where I live. If you get a chance today say a short prayer asking God to give Kim some relief. She’s earned it.