Some observations of my life …
There are so many times that I want to say “Dear Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth”. I say this because I do not know when to shut up. You see, I’m funny. No, I am hilarious. If I was a stand up comedienne they would hook me at every performance. Either that or I would be “boo’d” off stage. I have never mastered the art of leaving them wanting more.
I love attention. I have always loved attention. I think it’s because I am the middle child. I never had enough attention. Even today I’ll put myself out there as a wallflower just hoping that someone will ask my opinion. You know how sometimes someone notices you and then you are all coy and “aw shucks, ma’am”. Deep down that is an act because I am actually shouting, deep down, “pay attention to me”.
A couple of weeks ago at Mass the first ready was from Sirach. Verse 27:4 says “when the sieve is shaken, the husks appear, so do one’s faults when one speaks.” For years, I was so insecure in what I had to say. I was sure if I opened my mouth that everyone would come to realize that I wasn’t as smart as I seemed, or heaven forbid, not as funny as I thought. But if I just read the first part of that line, once all of the chaff is gone and then the husks are left. Maybe what I have to say is the harvest, once you get rid of my corny jokes.
Then, of course, was the Gospel. The parable about the blind leading the blind. The one about my brother (or sister), (or me), wanting to remove the splinter in my eye but they really can’t see it because of the wooden beam in their eye. I have had people in my life who desperately wanted to fix my problems. And they wanted to do that without considering their own. I hate to call out my sister but she loves to do that. She really should have been a psychologist. She loves to fix your problems. But she doesn’t see the problems that she has – until they get so big they about break her. I like to analyze other people’s problems but I don’t think I should try to fix them. What would work for me would probably not work for anyone else.
As unthinkable as this is, I have a few years on me. I have to remind myself sometimes that I might have some wisdom to pass along. I don’t want to tell you what to do but I think I’ll offer some advice that has helped me through the years. I can remember arguing with my dad over me being allowed to make my own mistakes. Daddy would tell me no, I should learn from his mistakes. I would argue and tell him that I wanted to experience it for myself. I will tell you in retrospect I wish I would have learned from the mistakes he had made and not put myself through everything that I did. Ha!
For the last week or so I have consciously tried to do unto others as I would have them do unto me. The other night I was at Cracker Barrel and it was a zoo. We would have left but we had already been to two other restaurants. I just wanted to put our name in for the wait. There was a woman next to me and she asked, no demanded, to know when their table was going to be ready. The hostess said they were cleaning it off. She came back and said “you told me that 15 minutes ago”. They were trying to explain that they thought people were going to get up but they hadn’t. I really wanted to tap the woman on the shoulder and ask her if that was treating that hostess the way she wanted to be treated. I was afraid I would get smacked. In hindsight I wish I would have. I have regarded not doing something – anything. So, since then, I have prayed about it. I think I’m going to start carrying Snickers bars with me. I could have gone over to the check out and gotten a Snicker’s bar and given it to the woman. I would have said “you’re not yourself when you’re hungry.”
Now, that’s funny, I don’t care who you are.
Thank you for putting up with me.