19 Reasons Not to Steal Our Farm Truck

  1.  There’s manure in it, and on it.  Can’t help it.
  2. You can’t see over the dash board.  There’s too much paperwork, paper towels, toilet paper, or Little Debbie boxes obstructing your view.  If you can see out you won’t be able to because there’s mud all over the windshield.
  3. We can’t confirm that it will start, or that it will run.
  4.  It might not start/run because it’s out of gas.  The gas gauge is broken.
  5. Everybody knows this truck.  If you make it out of Fancy Farm, no, Graves County, no, Kentucky, you might get away with it.
  6.  The tailgate is not missing.  We know exactly where it is.  It’s there by the barn, right where we put it, the day we brought that new truck home.
  7. The seats are split out.  But you might not be sitting on a spring.  It might be a screw driver, a wrench, a pair of pliers or a pair of scissors.  If you will, return those.  We’ve been looking for them.
  8. You have to be able to push and pull at the same time in order to get into the driver’s door.  If you’re inside you have to throw your shoulder into the door in order to get out.  No, the passenger side door is not locked.  You just have to pull real hard.
  9. The windows won’t go down and then they won’t go back up.  And you have to crank the windows to raise them down.
  10. There are holes in the floor board.  And it’s hot.  It will mess with your mind if you look down.  And it will mess with your feet if you have to drive to far.
  11. There is tobacco gum on the steering wheel.  No, a paper towel will not get it off of your hands.  A wet wipe will but if there are any in the truck they’re dried out.
  12. You had better be a UK fan because there’s a UK Dad sticker on the back window.  It doesn’t say anything about a UK Mom though.
  13. There are Sundrop cans and Little Debbie empty boxes everywhere.  They might fall out when you open the door.  They might trip you up as you get in the truck.  Be careful, you might sit on them too.
  14. Just because there might be a set of keys in the truck doesn’t mean that they’ll start the truck.  And they for sure won’t open the doors.
  15. The AC doesn’t always work.  When it does it’s going to smell like dirt and/or manure.
  16. The 4-wheel drive doesn’t always work.  But sometimes it does.  Sometimes it does as you’re driving down the highway.
  17. You can hear the truck coming a mile away.  We don’t know where that noise is coming from. Let us know if you find the source.
  18. The tires look good.  That doesn’t mean they are.
  19. Why would you want to?

I’ve been looking for those potholders!

It takes awhile to get that tobacco gum off of the steering wheel.