I recently read a magazine article about helping your kids dissect trouble-makers and what to do if your kid ends up being the trouble maker. Then the article goes on to talk about if you encounter trouble makers. They list a few trouble-makers to be leery of: the compulsive dieter; the downer; the shopaholic; the passive-aggressive competitor; the party animal. That got me thinking about the kind of trouble-makers that I encounter in my life.
The trash talker: This is the person who has to trash-talk anybody and everybody. You can’t bring up anybody that they don’t have something to say about them. They’re not really gossips, they just have an opinion and want you to hear what it is. They always make me wonder what they are saying about me to somebody else.
The “nay-sayer”: This person says no to everything. If you want to go away for the weekend the answer is no. If you want to go camping this weekend, the answer is no. If you need a new dress, the answer is no. Why is it that you think I’m talking about somebody in my family? Because most of the time the people in my life begin with “no” and then come around to “maybe” or even “yes”. I had one of those conversations with my husband this morning. I have been thinking about doing something for about a year and it’s now to the point where I need to move on doing it or not. I mentioned it to him and his immediate answer was “no”. I wasn’t asking his permission, I was just asking what he thought of the idea. My problem now though is that if I do move forward on this I’ll either have to do it in secret or ignore all of his nay-saying.
The verbal beaters: I have several of these people in my life. They aren’t necessarily beating me up but between their tone of voice and their accusatory attitude, I’m sure that I’m responsible for anything that is wrong in our society. I’m not. And I don’t have to listen to this. And the next time they start in I’m going to tell them. Of course then they’ll get mad that I called them on it.
Dr. Phil says that you teach people how to treat you. It’s because I don’t call these people out that they continue to do some of these things. I am an adult and I can make choices in my life. And if I make someone mad by calling them out then that’s okay. It’s better to make them mad than to make me mad and then they don’t know what my problem is. I’ll tell you what my problem is, but you’re not going to like it. Ha! That’s what I’d like to tell them.
You have to surround yourself with people who have your best interests at heart. When you were young there might have been kids that your parents didn’t want you to hang around with. They didn’t want a bad influence on you. Well, you have those same decisions to make as an adult. And you can say “hey, I don’t hang around bad people”. Maybe not. But just because they don’t get in trouble, or get you in trouble doesn’t mean they’re not bad for you. You’ve got to consider how these people are making you feel to determine if they are bad for you. If you leave them feeling anxious or angry, chances are good that they are not good for you. You have to be the adult here and either tell them or make the choice not to hang around them. If you make that choice then you’ll be a lot happier.