I wanted to write this awhile ago but life got in my way. But I think that writing it now is more pertinent than it would have been a few weeks ago.
My baby went away to college. She left me. And just because she’s not the first one to go away to college and leave home, or the fact that she’s not the last one who has left home doesn’t make it any easier. My girl left me. She went away to college. And even if she does move back home after college she’ll still be gone. Because she grew up.
When did that happen? When did she finish that phase in her life? When did she grow up? She was just a baby.
Katie was born late in my life. And even though my years have sped up as I have gotten older, that shouldn’t have been the case with her. She should be that totally cute little 3 year old in a dress with chore boots on. At worst, she should be starting middle school this year, right?
Her life has sped by. I’m sure it hasn’t felt like that to her. I’m sure it has dragged on and on and on. But I truly remember her being a tiny little one wanting to “hold you”. She never wanted to be held but there came a time that she would want to hold me. So I would pick her up so that she could “hold me”.
Katie loves to show cows
Today, thinking about the child she has been I can’t remember everything about her life. I guess that’s because she was born later in my life. But it seems as though she was always “there”. She has always been a part of my life. I didn’t know it but she has always been there. I could tell you about her love for horses, first, and then cows, everything cows. If she had been old enough when we quit milking we would have probably never sold the herd. She loves cows, milk cows. It’s like milk runs through her veins. I could tell you how she learned to shoot a gun and then learned to shoot a bow and arrow. I could tell you how smart she always was, she could remember numbers so well. It took her awhile to love to read but then she did and it’s going to be something that will serve her well throughout her life. I could tell you about the day she was baptized or the day she made her First Communion or the day she was confirmed. I remember all those milestones. But the thing I will always remember about her is how kind she is.
People tell me about her all the time. She has the sweetest smile. She is the nicest little girl. She is so caring. They tell me how impressed they are with her. I agree, and thank them. She is impressive. Don’t give her a project or a cause because she will work that until her dying breath. She will go places. She will go far.
Katie loves agriculture!
Of course I also know how grumpy she can be. I know her moods well, since those are a lot of the same moods I was raised with. I know that she can smile and tell you how amazing you are but then get in the car with me and cry all the way home. She would do that for the same reason other little girls cry: she’s over-tired or someone hurt her feelings. A lot of people have hurt her feelings over the years but you would never know it. And she would never tell me about it because she didn’t want me to worry. And she really wouldn’t tell me who it was because she knows I would go after them in some way or another. Oh except for the time that stupid boy broke up with her. I think we both cried ourselves to sleep, in her twin bed.
Look at that smile!
One day, my oldest daughter asked me which child I loved the most. I told her that I loved each of them the most. She told me I couldn’t do that. There had to be one I loved the most. She will learn. But to get at her I told her that I loved her older brother the most, when I wanted to have a deep-seeded philosophical discussion. I told her I loved her the most when I needed to be chewed out. I told her I loved her youngest brother the most when I needed a hug. And I told her that I loved Katie the most when I needed a girlfriend. I loved to go out to eat and shopping with Katie. Katie is like me in that she loves to go out to eat. And she shops like I do. In fact when we shop we try our best not to buy something. But we always do!
A lot of people tell me that Katie reminds me of her Aunt Linda Mae. She does. She looks so much like her. She talks like her in a lot of ways. But the reason I think she reminds people of Linda Mae is because she is so nice. She is so, so nice.
I do believe that Katie will come home one day. I believe that she will always be a force to contend with. I think so. But if I hug her tight enough and look deep into those beautiful eyes and get her to giggle I can see that most precious little girl who stole all of our hearts the day she was born. That wasn’t that very long ago, was it? I must have blinked.