When I asked for suggestions on what to write about I didn’t expect anyone to give me ideas. I literally have lists upon lists upon lists of things I want to write about. There might be a reason I haven’t made it through those lists. Those ideas bounce into my mind and in about a heart beat are gone again. That’s why I make the list, so I don’t miss those fleeting thoughts. Of course when I go back the emotion that brought that thought is fleeting as well. My best friend, the Favorite Aunt Beth asked me to write about this. This is my second attempt.
Many years ago after doing some research on how to get pregnant I came to realize it is almost impossible to get pregnant. So many factors have to align exactly right for the sperm to fertilize the egg. When my mother died I came to realize that we don’t just lay down and die. It is almost impossible to die. So many factors have something to play in all of this. For real, with all the medical issues that were going on with my dad, he ended dying of a burst appendix. I know that seems so strange but that’s what his autopsy said. I also know that there are people who die immediately, so you have to realize how everything must come together in order for life to cease. Given that, then what does that have to do with the world? It doesn’t really. When you are notified that someone has been in a bad wreck, or was shot, or has a terminal diagnosis your world stops. You don’t even think about it. I mean, life goes on around you, but you don’t process that, you don’t participate in that. In so many ways we are so fortunate to live in a society that is so supportive of life.
I know we don’t appear to be, but we are. If someone is hurting, all those who care about that person are hurting. Why do you think, when there is a mass shooting, supporters of the families come out of the woodwork, even if they don’t know them? The people who care don’t want to see anyone suffer when a family experiences a death. There is a trail of food to their door. They are bombarded with sympathy and cake. Again, the people who care for them are there for their pain.
One thing I have come to realize, the hard way, is that death is only a part of life. It was said of John F Kennedy, “it is only the bravest and the best who die”. Daddy used to ask a person’s age when they died. Then he would say “it only took them ___ years to accomplish what God wanted them to accomplish”. I don’t know that these are true but they are very comforting.
Death is personal. There are times it becomes public but it is always personal for those who grieve. If you think about when Queen Elizabeth died, that was very personal to those who loved her. But, if you think about it, those who lined the streets or stood in line for her viewing were personally affected by her death. They weren’t standing in line for her children or grandchildren, although I’m sure they had concern for them. They were standing in line for themselves or for someone they loved who could not stand in line for themselves. That has happened on many occasions.
What about the child in Africa who dies of hunger? What about the old man who is gunned down outside of his home? What about those killed in war? What about all of those, across the globe, who died of Covid? All of that is painful to be sure, but in a morbid way it’s all about the circle of life.
I don’t fear death, as I once did. Honestly, I’m surprised I am still alive. What I do fear is leaving this world without upturning every rock or opportunity in my path. There are some things I have decided don’t matter anymore, so I don’t have to pursue them. There’s still a lot I want to accomplish but I am content with what I have done. In some ways I look forward to death. It’s an experience I haven’t had yet.
I don’t mourn like I used to. I like to think I’m a lot better at it.
For those who fear death, I encourage you to look beyond your life. What will after-death be like for you? I hope I’m able to play poker with my mother and her aunts while I rock my granddaughter Lucy in my arms again.
