My mother is an identical twin born on Christmas Day. Because of that my grandmother named her Carilynn for Christmas carols. She named her twin Marilynn for the Blessed Mother Mary. She also spelled their names differently from the norm. Mom always told me that was because they were so special. They also had red hair (another Christmas theme) but they couldn’t help that. Both of their parents had red hair.
Everyone called Mom Carilynn. No one shortened it or anything. There were times that my grandmother would call them “Care” and “Mare”. We always called Mom’s twin Aunt Meri because we could not pronounce Marilynn. My cousins always called Mom Aunt Carilynn. I guess they were a lot smarter than we were.
I don’t know if Mom liked her name or not. If she was like me I’m sure she did at times and didn’t at other times. That didn’t matter to me though. I called her Mom or Mommy or Mama. I don’t remember ever calling her Carilynn, but lots of people did. And lots of people loved her. Of course, my friends called her Mrs. Pierce but those close to the family ended up calling her Aunt Carilynn.
Mama died when my oldest son was 14 months old. For so long I was so sad. I needed to get my happy back. I had always been a happy and carefree kind of kid. But I was inconsolable. I didn’t know what to do and I didn’t know who to ask. So, I stated looking at the things that made Mom and Daddy so happy. It was us. My sister, brother and I made Mom and Dad so happy. Yes, we were a lot of work and maybe I’m naive in believing this but I always thought it was us kids that made Mom and Dad so happy. I was desperate to find happiness again. I really couldn’t function.
It took me five years to conceive my son, Jay. When I decided to have another child I didn’t know if I could go through infertility again. At the time though I wasn’t even thinking of that. I was desperate for this pain to go away inside me and this was the way that was going to happen. It took me three months to get pregnant again.
I will tell you though. This was not an easy pregnancy. Starting at about the 6th month I started going into labor. I went into labor 13 times before they finally allowed me to have the baby. I was three weeks early. She was born on a Sunday in January.
I knew that I wanted to name her after Mom. I desperately needed Mom back into my life. But the night she was born I was watching the Dolly Parton Show and she opened that show with “Jolene”. Merle Haggard was the guest on the show that night. He sang “Twinkle Twinkle Lucky Star”. So after my daughter was born I told everyone I was naming her Jolene and I might just call her Dolly (my daughter’s other grandmother was nicknamed Dolly). My sister looked at me and told me that I could not do that. I had to give her a real name. So, I named her Carilynn Noelle, after my mother. I always called her Carilynn although I did consider naming her Cari-Lynn. That way I could honor my mother, my sister, whose middle name is Lynn, and my brother, whose name is Kerry. I asked my brother what he thought of that and he told me “I’ve gone my whole life with you telling me that Kerry is a boy’s name and now you want to name your daughter after me?” I laughed and laughed. I figured I would let her nickname herself, but she never did. One of the first words she learned to say was her name. And I knew that was right.
The first time I heard someone call my daughter Aunt Carilynn I stopped in my tracks. Calling her Carilynn had never been an issue because I had never called my mother Carilynn. But I had referred to Mom as Aunt Carilynn. Aunt Carilynn messed with me. It messed with me bad.
She has been special. She certainly did not take the place in my heart that was vacated when my mother died but she built her own special place in my heart that will never be replaced. And I don’t know if it was just her that made me so happy, but it was the best decision I ever made.