Deep Thoughts

I’ve been on the road with Jimmy this week so I haven’t been keeping to my schedule. He can be disruptive that way. It’s not a bad thing but I have come to appreciate my “alone time” so much in the last few months. I didn’t realize how much until one of my kids mentioned it to me and I agreed wholeheartedly. You know that time at night when your entire house is asleep and you can get so much done? Yeah, that time.

I have to adjust. Since Jimmy quit growing tobacco he’s around a lot. And since I moved my office to my living room I am in the middle of it all, all the time. I’m going to need to get disciplined. I need my prayer time, my work time, my personal time, my home time and time to write. I can do it all, right?

All that to say that I have moved my writing space outside. We keep picnic tables over in the area we call “Linda Mae’s yard”. It’s across the side yard under some great Maple trees. That’s where you’ll find me writing when I have the time and something to say.

I have something to say today. I’ve been away from my prayer time this week and I’ve really missed it. I really should include Jimmy in my prayer time but I think I’m selfish and I don’t want him messing up my apple cart. I hate to be that way but I’ve got this great relationship going on with the Blessed Mother and the Holy Trinity. I don’t want him to influence that at all. I don’t think he would but I don’t want to risk it. Alright, I hear You. I’ll include him from now on. Man.

This morning before Mass I was playing catch up. I had my daily devotional and my daily prayer book. I had my prayer journal and this book I’m reading called 33 Days to Morning Glory. It’s a do-it-yourself retreat in preparation for Marian Consecration. The devotional summarized the Gospel for today and gave me a different way to look at the Gospel. In my prayer journal I prayed for those who have asked for my prayers and those who need my prayers. I prayed for an end to cancer and to this pandemic. I prayed for peace. I waited to do the readings until Mass but I want to tell you that they hit me upside my head. I mean it. The first reading was from the first book of Kings. This is where Solomon asks for wisdom. The second reading was from Romans where St. Paul explains how we can be predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son. The Gospel was from Matthew, a parable. Jesus compares the Kingdom of Heaven with items that we all can understand: a pearl, a net, a treasure. Fr. Darrell’s sermon brought all of this together but I could not tell you what he said. I can only tell you how it made me feel. It made me feel like jumping up and hollering “Amen! That’s right!” At the top of my lungs. I did say “Amen” when he finished but not loud enough for anyone to hear. After Mass though I made a point to tell him how I was influenced by his sermon and how I wished I had recorded it. I didn’t tell him I couldn’t remember a word of it. He told me he didn’t like to record his sermons. His job though is to influence me, to motivate me. He did that, with gravy.

Alright, let me tell you what got to me in the readings. 1 Kings 3:5,7-12. This is where Solomon asks for wisdom. I never asked for wisdom but I know that I am a very wise woman. I come from a long line of wise women. I am lucky though because I have known that I am wise most of my life. I may not have believed it but I have known it. When I ask women if they are wise they look at me with a knowing smile, like a Mona Lisa smile. I then ask them if they know things and the smile gets bigger. You see, I know things. I don’t know how, but I do. I like to think that it is a gift and recently I’ve decided that it is a gift of the Holy Spirit because I have come to realize that Spirit is feminine. Do you ever wonder where a mother’s intuition comes from? I will stand here publicly and announce “it comes from the Spirit”. How is it that we know things? I’ll tell you, it’s the Spirit opening us up to that knowledge. Boom. Boom.

Then, St. Paul comes in and says that we are predestined. I will tell you that I am predestined. As the daughter of Carilynn Pierce I am predestined. She gave me over on the day I was baptized and from that point on I was taught and raised up and molded to the image of the Son of God. It’s taken me a long time to get there. I ignored it for awhile. I laughed at it some. I resisted, kicking and screaming. But the minute I accepted this as my path it all came together. Has it been easy? Hell no. But in all ways I know that this is my path.

Now, let’s talk about the Blessed Mother. Many of you know of my devotion to Mary. If you don’t know then let me introduce you to Her. I came to the Blessed Mother after I became a mother and after the death of my mother. I will tell you that my mother took me by my hand after her death and put me in front of Jesus’ mother. After awhile I asked Her for guidance and peace and love, instead of my own mother. She doesn’t always intercede on all my requests but I know She hears my prayers and She has always taken care of my children. I am proud that I have brought all of them to the Blessed Mother.

In my Mary retreat today I have to think about giving my body to Mary, give Her my soul, give Her all my goods and fortune and give Her my spiritual goods and good works, past, present and future. She has my body and soul anyway. I know I need to take better care of them but She has them. I have already pledged my goods and fortune to Her. In fact, if I ever win the lottery She and I can do all kinds of good things. The last one is spiritual goods and my good works. She already has my spiritual goods. She is the one who gave them to me. And I never knew I got to keep my good works. I was always taught that a work didn’t count if you told anyone about it, even if that someone was not of this world. I took that to mean that you didn’t get to keep those. I prefer to give those all up anyway. I know that it is someone else sending me to help out anyway I can anyways.

This pandemic we’re living through has been very hard on all of us, wouldn’t you say? I feel, that as Catholics, we have had it exceptionally hard, because we have had to go months without the Eucharist. During the time when we could not celebrate Mass I got to where I would spend my prayer time in church. I didn’t go every day but it was so peaceful to be able to get out there all by myself and talk with “all the angels and saints”. We have statues of all the apostles lining both sides of the main aisle going up to the altar. Mary is to Jesus’ right hand, Joseph is to his left. St. Isidore and St. Jerome flank the main altar. A statue of the crucifixion is front and center. When I would walk in I would begin talking to the saints. When I scoped out a pew (I had my choice) I would greet the Blessed Mother but then I’d do something I very rarely did, I conversed with Jesus. And I liked Him. I liked Him a lot. We talked about all kinds of things. Sometimes we would laugh. Sometimes we would cry. If He felt I needed it he would bring the Holy Spirit into the conversation. His mother would smile in approval. You all, I never thought I would have a relationship with Jesus. I felt I had one with his Father. I for sure had one with his Mother. I was on great terms with the Holy Spirit but didn’t want to turn into a cliche, a Jesus Freak. And I haven’t. He and I have a great relationship. I hope you do too. But I’m not going to stuff my relationship with Him down your throat. That’s not what He wants from me. This might all take me awhile but He’ll be right with me to show me the way.

Going back to Paul’s letter to the Romans: “and those He predestined He also called; and those He called He also justified; and those He justified He also glorified.” This is the path that I’m on, this is the path I want to be on. Let me know if you want to follow this path. I will hold your hand while you do it.